Trying to understand....

What did I do to deserve this outcome and feeling? All I wanted to do was love and be loved, but my good actions and words were misinterpreted for something sinister or evil. I did not even have those thoughts in my heart…. all I wanted was to love and be loved; I gave my all to her, but it was mis-understood and now I’m hurting inside my body, mind, and soul.

It’s been a while since I got yelled at by anyone out of anger and extreme disgust, but I got yelled at by the mother of the girl I love so dearly…. The feeling you get inside your heart and soul is so horrible that not enough words can describe the feeling; I feel absolutely horrible that my soul has died.

I don’t wish it on anyone else, but where did I go wrong? Where did we go so wrong? All I wanted was to love and be loved, understood and appreciated…. all I said was a joke and now look at us a few months later. Self inflicted pain and torture, because I really really loved her, but why this method? It made things worse and not even one little bit of improvement, but I guess torturing and hurting myself would make her feel sorry for me; but it didn’t work because it just drove her even further away from me.

I really loved her from the bottom of my heart and soul. I cared about her happiness more than my own, but things got out of hand when words and or actions were misinterpreted for something else. Then I was told that I was behaving weird and that the other party thought that I was just another mentally ill guy. If I am just another Un-normal person, please explain how does a Un-normal person  drives a 20 or 30 ton bus full of passengers for very long hours?

That’s not the point, the point is that I need to change my behavior or it will permanently drive the person that I love with all my heart and soul away for good.

I'm starting to understand why Sylvia feel the way that she does and what I am going to do in the near future from preventing that from happening again.

Triggers:

- Non-Stop phone calls and messages (This really makes her anxious)

- Strange behaviors that I exhibit and which she is not used to

- Its not just the behaviors that I exhibit, but probably the things that I say 

Copers:

- Probably me hanging out with her every weekend when she was here in Toronto

- I think for her going to Church was also another calming effect, because she wanted to get Baptized. 

There's a lot to take in over one Youtube video that I just watched about Depression. I feel solely responsible for why Sylvia is feeling this way and what I have been doing was making her Depression worse. I am responsible for why her family is so scared about me and I deserved being yelled at by her mom. I understand why her mother would be upset and frustrated, I wouldn't get into details but we know that it was my actions that made Sylvia's Depression worse.

The only thing that I can do by helping Sylvia is giving her some much needed space and listen too her.... just be her friend and listen to what she says, because I'm the antagonist for making her depression worse even when I have good intentions. I love Sylvia so much, but I hate to be responsible for making her depression worse; even if I had good intentions.

The story of an onboard

First of all, Sylvia (If you are reading this); I'm not ignoring you on purpose. I am giving you the space and the silence that you requested me to give too you from earlier before. However, it hurts my heart because I still love you and I still care about you; I hope you are doing well and that you are getting proper treatment for Depression. 

    I just finished servicing the previous bus stop at 5310 Finch Avenue East and I was approaching the Tiffield Road at Finch Avenue East. I already had a full-standing load and passengers were crowding near the front of the bus. I noticed that there were at least four people waiting for my bus, I slowly came to a safe and complete stop. I lowered the bus and authorized all the doors, because some people might want off as well at that stop.

    When it was safe to do so, I raised the bus, and closed all the doors. I looked left and right to make sure that the way was clear, then I put on my left signal indicator and I checked one last time to see if anyone else was coming, but there was none so I started to accelerate and move off. While moving off, I heard a thump near the back of the bus, but I wasn’t sure what it was so I slowly brought the bus to a safe and complete stop. Then I secured the bus, because people standing near the front of the bus was blocking the view of the centre aisle. I raised myself out of the operator’s seat to see what has happened and it took me another 30 to 45 seconds to process what happened, because people were blocking the view of the centre aisle.

    Another passenger near the front of the bus informed me that a passenger had fell on my bus and immediately I hit the Yellow Alarm. I was instructed by Transit Control to Stop and Stay, which I did. I then asked the elderly passenger if she was okay and if she needed medical assistance, but the elderly passenger declined and said that this has happened before. I had all the passengers and including the elderly passenger get accommodated on the following bus.

    What I think happened was that there were too many passengers who were crowding around the front of the bus with parcels and buggies, which contributed for the elderly passenger falling down after trying to reach a priority seat. I wasn’t able to fully grasp what had happened, because I had a full-standing load and that the passengers blocked the view of what actually happened.

    We try the best to provide great customer service and a comfortable ride to wherever the customer is going. Most of the times we cannot control the way that a customer will react or behave.

Promagstyle · Ken Chu - Come Inside My Guitar

Dizziness

Just finished doing my circle check on my bus and everything seems okay except for one window hinge on the open-side of the bus at the very rear.

While doing my circle check, I did notice that I was getting dizzy. Not sure if the dizziness is brought on by not taking a nap after my first shift or it was probably something that I ate earlier in the morning. However, I am feeling dizzy right now and I hope that I can make through the rest of my day performing my duties.

I also did a vlog for Sylvia, because she means so much to me. I told her that I love her still and that my heart is beating for her; I want her to be with me again and I pray to God that she knows how much I love her and care about her; that I will send her more money for treatment of her depression. 

I was having difficulty with adding music to my blog and this was what I was doing when I got home after my first shift and also I got my schedule for Saturday, because I did a shift exchange earlier in the month, so I will be working six days this week instead of the normal five. I hope I will be okay, love you Sylvia…. Miss you.

Ali Gatie - Tell me Lyrics:

Tell me you love me

Tell me you need me
Tell me you want me
And you'll never leave me
Just tell me you'll stay
And that we'll be okay

I was all alone
Back before I knew you were the one
I lost hope
Never thought I'd ever be enough
That's why I gave up on love

You brought the color in my life when everything was dark
One look into your eyes and since then you had all my heart
I wish that I could say I fell
I'm still falling in love

So tell me you love me
Tell me you need me
Just tell me you want me
And you'll never leave me
Just tell me you'll stay
And that we'll be okay
Oh

I hope when we're fighting
And giving up's easy
When I need reminding
That you're never leaving
You'll tell me to stay
Tell me we'll be okay

I hope that you'll stay
I hope that you'll stay
I hope that you'll stay
I hope that you'll tell me
Tell me
Tell me
Tell me you'll stay

Friday, May 23rd, 2025

I have included a list of Organizations that deal with Depression, because I want to see you to get better and fully recover:

MIND HK - In Hong Kong, numerous resources are available for individuals struggling with depression, including free support and professional services. For those experiencing mild to moderate anxiety, depression, or emotional issues, MIND HK provides free, one-on-one mental health support.

GovHK Health - For those with more serious psychological distress, the Clinical Psychological Service of the Social Welfare Department can provide free professional help and advice. Contact a social worker or call the Social Welfare Department hotline at 2343-2255 for assistance.

Hong Kong Christian Counselling Service Limited - Hong Kong Christian Counseling Service was founded in 2007. We are charitable organization registered under section 88 of Inland Revenue Department. We provide counseling that integrates Christian-based principles with professional psychotherapy.

Our goal is to use counseling skills to help individuals cope with their problems in a Biblical way.

While most of our clients are Christians, we also work with other people, regardless of religion, ethnicity, socioeconomic status or ability to pay. 

St. John's Cathedral Counseling Service - St John’s Cathedral Counselling Service (SJCCS) is a self-sufficient Non-Profit Organisation. We have over 40 years’ experience providing professional counselling and psychotherapy services to community members in Hong Kong regardless of age, race, gender, nationality, residence status, religion, faith and income.

Hub and Spokes International  - We are a Christian Counseling Practice in Hong Kong that Provides mental health and spiritual care with a holistic perspective. We focus on transformation that lasts.

Christian Family Service Centre - CFSC 基督教家庭服務中心

Sylvia, whatever organization you choose to help you with you're depression; I will support you to the fullest and also please let me know which one because I will pay for the treatment. It is my fault that I gave you severe depression and the only thing I want right now is for you to be back to normal.

How profoundly regretful and sorry I am

Its been awhile since I posted anything to blogger. I can't even believe that my account is still active after my last post was like 15 years ago. However a lot has changed since I have been away from blogger and now I am making the most sincere post that I have ever made about someone that I admire and care about. Her name is 실비아 which translates into Sylvia in Korean. If she (실비아) is reading this, I just want her to know that I am absolutely and profoundly sorry for hurting her physically and emotionally. It was not my intention to hurt the both of us, but it was my intention to make Sylvia understand how much I love her and care about her, so much that I loved her more than myself. I'm real sorry for what I have done and now its like every passing day is a painful reminder of what I did to her. I miss her voice, smile, touch, kindness, gratitude, and most of all her presence in my life brought out the best of me. I apologize for what I did to Sylvia and I want her to know that I love her and care about her each and everyday; I worry about her mental health as well and I hope she has a complete healthy recovery, because I told her that I wanted her to be my loving wife and I wanted to be her loving husband. Sylvia, I miss you and I hope you are feeling better. I hope you understand how sorry I am and that I did not mean to make you so upset / angry at me. I feel so much regret and remorse for what I did and now I'm being punished for being stupid. Please forgive me for what I did wrong to you. Even if I have to get down on my hands and knees; and crawl for you're forgiveness I will. Un-Mute the video below by clicking on the "Speaker" to hear the music of my heart!

Online Harassment on CPTDB

Okay here is the website, which I created long time ago..... you can forward this off to the CPTDB Administrators, but I doubt that they would care.

http://www.Promagstyle.blogspot.com

THIS ALL STARTED WHEN I TOOK LEGIT PICTURE OF VIVA BUS 8203 AND 8206.

If you take a look at picture:

http://img35.imageshack.us/img35/7127/cimg1274c.jpg

It shows that I am clearly outside of Viva Bus Property. Yet again, I took the picture from outside.....

http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/2179/cimg1257e.jpg

In fact if you look at YRTeen's picture you would see and agree that he was trespassing on private property and not PROMAGSTYLE.

http://www.majhost.com/gallery/YRTeen/YRT/Other/gedc0746.jpg <-Look at this picture first

http://img96.imageshack.us/img96/3335/yrteengm.jpg <- Picture from Google Maps Street View, shows that YRTeen clearly had to enter "colonial Chevy" and climb up that small hill and poke his camera through that fence.

I accused him of creating a false accusation about me and I should have said "Defamatory libel" rather than "Hate Crime"

a "defamatory libel" – writing something
that is designed to insult a person or likely to injure a person's
reputation by exposing him or her to hatred, contempt or ridicule."

Here is my story that I have submitted to Local Law Enforcement:

I am a victim of online forum harassment at CPTDB, because members
there have been misinformed about my character and my personalty. I
was accused of trespassing on VIVA Property while taking a picture
from outside of the Viva bus yard. This was last year in March 2009.

I have done many things for CPTDB. Adding pictures for the wiki and
traveling to Beijing, China and Hong Kong, China to get pictures of
transportation there. Traveled to New York City, Washington D.C., and
Philidelphia. I feel harassed to the point where I believe contacting
local enforcement and will help solve my issues about
being harassed online.

Members have ganged up against me and tried to get me banned, because
of this incident of trespassing on VIVA bus property.

I accused a member if the CPTDB YRTeen for starting a hate crime
against me, because he formed a group which attacked me on the forum
stating that I trespassed in VIVA property, to get a picture of a
VIVA Bus, which was not true. I was outside the bus compound with my
camera lens zoomed in.

I was then accused of trespassing on a private road, but how is it a
private road, because there are no signs stating it is and public
accessible from Yonge Street for the GM Dealership nearby.

I accused him, because I was harassed online and then subsequently
without warning I was banned for standing up for my rights. I believe
that YRTeen created a group just to get me banned from the board and
since time has past my reputation on the forum Promagstyle has been
ruined by rumors or stories that we're made up about me and they also
know my real name and I feel unsafe up to this date.

I was threatened to be hurt physically by DJ Orion ( Angelo Bowers )
if I attended a Charter on March 6th, 2010. I had reported this to the
admins of CPTDB and all they just did was edit his post. My real name
is still there and I have done nothing wrong, up to this date my
account was suspended for no reason after making a suggestion about
having TTC Articulated Buses and Subway Platform Doors. I have emailed
the administrators about the temporary ban in place that will expire on
March 11th, 2010 but no response from any Administrator.

I live in fear everyday as there is a possibility of running into
members of CPTDB and being confronted on my daily commute on TTC.

I am in fear, because there are ttc bus drivers and other people who
read the board daily. The name Promagstyle is already been widely
known and discussed on the forum and it is associated with my real
name on the forum.

I am positive that members have been spreading rumors about me off
forum and causing more damage already done by Members who have
attacked me. Creating false mis-interuptation about me to the general
public. I have evidence to back up my claims and I can prove it.

I have emailed and privately messaged the administrators, but have
gotten no response or reply.

I have been in contact with a member of cptdb and he does not see me
as the above persons described me as, most of these CPTDB members I
have not met in person or spoken to them before. I am a victim of
cyber bullying and I request that charges to be laid and I seek
compensation. This series of events has seriously damaged my affection
to my hobby towards public transportation.

I have screen shots and evidence to prove that I am a victim of online
harassment.

http://img31.imageshack.us/img31/2932/postone.jpg

http://img532.imageshack.us/img532/5014/posttwo.jpg


http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/4605/postthree.jpg

http://img222.imageshack.us/img222/2954/postfour.jpg

http://img34.imageshack.us/img34/3383/postfive.jpg


http://img242.imageshack.us/img242/8889/postsix.jpg

http://img94.imageshack.us/img94/9727/postseven.jpg


http://img62.imageshack.us/img62/1709/posteight.jpg

http://img41.imageshack.us/img41/5064/postnine.jpg

http://img412.imageshack.us/img412/9798/postten.jpg

http://img690.imageshack.us/img690/4062/posteleven.jpg

The Truth

As you all have known and the recent out burst of seven members accusing me trespassing to get that picture of 8203 and then attacking YRT304 for his picture of 8206. I understand that this has tarnished my reputation amongst all the Administrators on CPTDB and that some of you disagree about Ashton's final say about my account status. Ashton does not show any favouritism towards me or any other members at all on CPTDB.

I have been a member of the old CPTDB and using the username: Black_Knight; with a old TTC GM Fishbowl as my avatar.

The follow link shows everything including "zoomed in" and "zoomed out" pictures, with some descriptions. Ashton wanted "wide area shots," so I have gotten them today and there are videos that I have taken accounting to my innocence.

I understand the reason why those pictures of 8203 and 8206 were taken down from the WIKI. It is because Transit Agencies do not like their garages to be photograph, because its deemed as sensitive information. So therefore after you have viewed the photos and seen the videos, please let Ashton know, so I can remove them quickly.

I am doing this for the following reasons:

1. To prove that I did not trespass
2. To gain your respect back
3. To prove that the members with "Campaign For Intelligent Posting" as signatures are trying to get me banned for nothing.
4. To have administrators to tell those members with "CIP" signature tags to remove them and drop their case, with PM.

----

Link for photos here: http://s492.photobucket.com/albums/rr290/Promagstyle/Wednesday%20February%2011th%202009/
Password is: innocent_lockdown

Videos:

http://s492.photobucket.com/albums/rr290/P...nt=CIMG1264.flv
Password: innocent_lockdown

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M1WpR3LHN0 (No password required)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGw80_jWNfU (No password required)

http://s492.photobucket.com/albums/rr290/P...nt=CIMG1282.flv
Password: innocent_lockdown

http://s492.photobucket.com/albums/rr290/P...nt=CIMG1284.flv
Password: innocent_lockdown

I'm not accusing of YRTeen being the one that is trespassing or being a hypocrite, but just to prove that I'm innocent and that I did not trespass on VIVA/YRT. That the people wearing that signature "Campaign For Intelligent Posting" are just making a mockery of themselves that was all started by ISMichael. I wish and I hope that you admins will send a clear message too those individuals to remove those tags and to stop it with this childish behavior, and or inact disciplinary measures against them.



ISMichael
YRTeen
YRT304
Hurdmanhugz
M. Wright
Vivablue5215
hl7534
ttcgeek

I'm done my rant now and I hope that I showed everyone that me, 2153, TheAverageJoe did not trespass at on all that day Jan 31st and Feb 11th.

and sorry that the videos sound like I was angry at the Administrators, but I wasn't.

I was just P.O.'d that those "CIP" signature members were after me, and ISMichael used edited my picture without permission.

ISMichael continues to break the law by editing © 2008 Navteq and © Microsoft pictures.



Anyways, it had to be done to prove that I'm innocent and that who is the one that is really breaking the laws and I never ever gave him permission to draw or edited my VIVA 8203 picture.

---------

The original picture that got these members of CPTDB accusing of me trespassing

Zoomed in



Zoomed out (It shows that I am standing on a public street and not with-in the VIVA property)



Zoomed in



Zoomed out



Zoomed out X 2



YRTeen Picture



My picture shows a CCTV sign where YRTeen took his picture with his camera through the fence. (CCTV Warning sign = Private Property)